Girl Talk: The MMA Review of UFC 86 Jackson vs. Griffin!

Men and women may love MMA, respect the fighters, and savor a good battle… but let’s face it, we also see some things differently.

It’s neither bad or good… it’s just different. How different? Keep reading to find out. One thing is certain… the difference will entertain you.

Each fight review includes Prefight Talk if any, PR Talk about each fighter’s public relations and marketing, Fight Talk about the highlights of the bout, Post Fight Talk if there’s anything to report, Girl Talk about any nonsense I would tell a woman if she was watching the fight with me, some just-for-fun Ratings, and finally, And Then Some where anything is game.

Enjoy!

(Legend: The *Winner* is stared & The Best Rating is 5 Stars)

Lightweight Bout
*Tyson Griffin* vs. Marcus “Maximus” Aurelio

Prefight Talk
A 6-inch arm advantage is considerable… let’s see if Aurelio can capitalize on that.

PR Talk
Kudos for Griffin… coming out to the “Rocky” theme “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor is always a crowd pleaser. This universal anthem is a good way to bond with the audience and rally support. Just with their musical choice, a fighter can accomplish so much. Unfortunately, most fighters don’t think about inspiring the crowd when selecting their intro music (hint, hint, nudge, nudge).

Griffin and his team wore cool Warrior Wear white tees… well-done sponsors! Not crazy about the tight biker shorts… and there is something funny about wearing “condom depot” in big red letters on your ass.

Fight Talk
Took a minute to throw a punch… the crowd was not pleased. Then Tyson dominated the fight, which became more of a kickboxing clinic that went all three rounds.

Girl Talk
Wow… Aurelio… his eyes are magnetic. Could not make out Griffin’s tattoo. Liked Aurelio’s tattoo placement better.

Fight: ***
Griffin is Hot. / Face *** / Body **** / Charisma ***
Aurelio is Hot! / Face **** / Body **** / Charisma ***

Welterweight Bout
*Josh “Kos” Koscheck* vs. Chris “Lights Out” Lytle

Prefight Talk
Anyone who’s watched the Ultimate Fighter knows both of these guys. Lytle is a solid human being, while Koscheck enjoys a 5-inch reach advantage and is very talented.

PR Talk
Well, if you’re gonna wear “Condom Depot” on your ass, then Lytle wins best execution thus far with medium sized yellow text on white surfer shorts… looks like he’s wearing “IcemanRx” on his crotch—may want to reconsider that placement in the future, it looks a bit odd. Anyway, I dig the white, but it does make blood look gnarly.

Koscheck’s team wore matching “Pain” on their cool baseball hats and though their black tees where busy, they were not too busy, and the design looks good.

It’s much easier to root for a good guy… everyone likes a bad boy when that bad boy is cool, unfortunately, Koscheck falls short in that department. What he needs is a PR Personality Make Over to capitalize on his natural a-hole tendencies and gain a committed fan base. Learn from Matt Hughes… everyone loved him when he was a winner, but when he lost, all men suddenly remembered that he was the bully d!ckhead jock from high school that tormented them… who, they are now safe to hate. So Josh, please get it together… and if any one from Josh’s camp or sponsors is reading this, call me, I can help.

Fight Talk
Early in Round 1 Koscheck showed how impressively dynamic he can move. In Round 2, Koscheck was consistently aggressive and ended the round with some brutal ground and pound causing Lytle to bleed… profusely… we even got some blood splatter on a camera lens… haven’t seen that in forever – it was pretty cool. Round 3 - Lytle pouring blood, fought on, and proved he’s got heart… but lost the fight.

Post Fight Talk
Lytle’s blood turned Josh’s hair pink and orange. Koscheck, the winner got booed.

Girl Talk
Lytle is a nice guy… committed father… a firefighter… all hot qualities. Koscheck… looks good but “no comment” on his personality. I’m sure he’s great one-on-one, or at least, one would hope so. With a body and booty like that it’s a darn shame, his public persona is so disappointing.

Fight: ****
Koscheck is Cold. / Face **** / Body **** / Charisma *
Lytle is Hot. / Face ** / Body **** / Charisma ***

Lightweight Bout
*Joe “Daddy” Stevenson* vs. Gleison Tibau

Prefight Talk
Tibau needs to cut his hair… it is distracting—and not in a good way. Stevenson is coming off a loss to B.J. Penn—nothing to be ashamed of—but feels he needs to redeem himself… Well then, bring it on!

PR Talk
Tibau came out to the song “Iron Man” by Black Sabbath – nice choice, timely, and smart to ride the way of the cool and massively successful movie – great way to leverage pop culture… and thank you for cutting your hair! Nice style-choice to wear red surfer shorts… making the white, black, and yellow text look great.

Stevenson’s corner sporting cool designed Warrior Wear black tees with gray artwork.

Fight Talk
Round 1: Tibau looks considerably bigger and eventually stalemated Stevenson with a good omaplat. Instead of asking the referee to stand them up, Stevenson could have been trying to knee or hit Tibau with something.

Round 2: Tibau did not capitalize when he had Stevenson mounted… then though Tibau was winning, while they were on their feet, Stevenson pulled Tibau into a tight guillotine choke… finishing the fight.

Post Fight Talk
Stevenson greeted his seven year old son in the audience… not sure if it’s good for a child to be watching this live. If it’s emotionally intense for adults, not sure children have the emotional foundation to process the stress and excitement of it all?

Girl Talk
Very nice artwork along Tibau’s left arm. His tattoos are unique and perfectly placed… a man with an eye for design and aesthetics… hot!

Fight: ****
Stevenson is Cool. / Face ** / Body *** / Charisma ***
Tibau is Hot. / Face ** / Body ***** / Charisma ***

Middleweight Bout
*Patrick “The Predator” Cote* vs. Ricardo “Big Dig” Almeida

Prefight Talk
Almeida took a hiatus from the UFC to provide for his family and now is back looking good. Cote has stepped up considerably since he began his MMA career and his days in the Ultimate Fighter.

PR Talk
Almeida walked out to a Credence Clear Water Revival song… very American in contrast with Cote’s music that started a little airy-fairy then transitioned into French (Canadian) Rap, which no one understands, but sounded très cool anyway… thank goodness, I was initially concerned.

Fight Talk
Round 1: Almeida displays some good and aggressive jujitsu.

Round 2: Begins after a long break due to a time-out to fix Almeida’s torn glove. Slow and methodical, Almeida wants Cote to swing at him so he can catch Cote and take him down, but Cote does not want to go down… lands a good right hand at the end.

Round 3: Not the most exciting round… with Cote as the aggressor.

Post Fight Talk
After thanking his team, Cote points to a gold star on his shirt inscribed with the letters “CM” dedicated to a young girl that is fighting for her life and delivers a message for her, and all of us, “Keep fighting… life is beautiful!” Wow… he just got hotter!

Girl Talk
Cote looks better without a goatee… and is one of the most handsome men in the UFC… very nice to look at! Now, showing his human-kind and caring side… it’s just too much! But, like Mae West said, “Too much of a good thing is wonderful!” That’s the sort of range that makes a man irresistible… thank you and keep up the good work!

Fight: **
Cote is Hot! / Face ***** / Body **** / Charisma *****
Almeida is Hot. / Face *** / Body **** / Charisma ***

Light Heavyweight Championship Bout
Quinton “Rampage” Jackson vs. *Forrest Griffin*

Prefight Talk
I love both of these fighters, and I want them both to win (most men just don’t think that way). I know that’s not the way it works, but that’s how I feel so I will be rooting for both of them, even though, I know “there can be only one!” Wonder if Forrest’s arm reach advantage will help him?

PR Talk
Both are good guys who love to fight. The Ultimate Fighter helped bring out their extra competitive sides for all our amusement. Forrest is a chill and fun guy. Rampage naturally understands the showbiz part of the sport, which makes him very entertaining. Plus, he always makes a great and dramatic entrance with the chain, howling, and mean face… he really sets the mood.

Fight Talk
Round 1: Wow, it was on from the get-go! Rampage rattles Forrest with an uppercut.

Round 2: Forrest uses kicks effectively to hurt Rampage and then on the ground Forrest spends most of the time on top.

Round 3: Rampage punishes Forrest a bit with combinations and a couple body shots.

Round 4: Forrest gets Rampage in a triangle; Rampage gets up and slams Forrest who wisely protected himself.

Round 5: It was pretty close with Griffin landing a couple more shots.

Post Fight Talk
What a close fight! This battle went the distance with 25 minutes of action. Forrest prayed that he was the winner—adorable! And he was a graceful and grateful winner! Rampage is awesome… calling it like it is, “he whooped my ass!” They’ll be back at it soon enough.

Girl Talk
I’ve meet Rampage, and he’s a sweetheart! Doesn’t Forrest look like Bazooka Joe or more like the MAD boy? Surprised he grew up to be so attractive… even though he looks like a monkey. An adorable monkey who makes hairy chests look good!

Fight: *****
Jackson is Hot. / Face **** / Body **** / Charisma *****
Griffin is Hot. / Face *** / Body **** / Charisma ****

Lightweight Bout
Melvin “The Young Assassin” Guillard vs. Dennis Siver

PR Talk
Guillard and his corner looking good in brown tees with a sinister, yet festive, Uncle Sam printed on them.

Fight Talk
Melvin ends it in 36 seconds of the first Round after displaying beautiful aggression and precision.

Post Fight Talk
“All or nothing,” a motto that is working for Guillard.

Girl Talk
Just because he doesn’t sound smart, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have it together.

Fight: ****
Guillard is Hot. / Face *** / Body **** / Charisma ****
Siver is Hot. / Face *** / Body **** / Charisma ***

And Then Some
Something was up with Mike Goldberg’s hair tonight.

Joe Rogan looks great in black… not crazy about the light color sweater he wears sometimes… but this blue shirt was not bad.

It’s great when the best fight of the night is the Championship Bout… that’s why those guys deserve to be champions! Actually, since I did not get to see all the fights, I can only assume. Hey Dana, how about playing all the fights for your PPV customers? We would all really appreciate it!